Why is it soo crazy that someone could love me?

It's nice to know that someone out there wants to take care of you. Now, don't get me wrong because I can take care of myself & I really like the fact that being independent is important to me, but it's refreshing when someone genuinely wants to be there for you. I have a tendency to push away people when they get too close & I end up blowing my chance with them before anything has even started & I am beginning to realize how toxic & exhausting that is. I tend to think now that no one will be able to replace the love I've shared with someone in my past & so every time someone tries to show me that they could really love me, I push them away before they can even have a chance. I thought I was protecting myself from getting hurt but in reality I only hurting myself because I was ruining any chance I had at being with someone happily.

Sometimes we simply forget to allow ourselves to be happy. It's okay to be a little selfish every once & awhile. If someone makes you laugh & has a way of making you feel really great in that moment, give them a chance to be part of your life. I have a tendency to over think everything & anyone that knows me would agree. (am I right?)  I need to accept compliments every once & awhile. I need to remind myself that someone will love me again & just because it didn't work out with someone doesn't mean it's not going to work out with everyone. 

We all have made mistakes when it comes to relationships & unfortunately you need to make those mistakes before you truly find out what you want & who you want to be with. It's sad that it sometimes takes a broken heart to see the bigger picture & eventually you move on & you take the gamble with someone else, acting like you were never hurt in the first place. 

I guess I should ask myself, "why is it soo crazy that someone could love me?" I have a lot of self value & I think it's important to like who you are before you can expect anyone else to like you. I guess what I am trying to say through this whole mess of words is that I need to accept love when it's given to me. I need to realize that I am capable of loving people & being loved in return. I have flaws & I have strengths & someone will love them & I should let them. 

xo, 

Mady

Sassy Sundays ..jk, it's Monday. (4)

• sometimes finding a solid group of friends is something that won't come easily. 
• living alone is something I never want to do.
• Although, I do enjoy my own space, but it's nice to at least know you will have someone to come home to.
• I've realized that I might also be a cat person..
• Denying yourself of love doesn't make you a stronger person.
• Don't give others attention just to fill a void in your life & drop them as soon as you feel okay again.
• You can't erase the past, you just come to terms with it.
• As pathetic as it sounds I am actually super proud of how far I've come with growing my hair out. 
• please just never use the word 'dope'
• I really need to stop drinking red bull. It's a weird addiction. Whenever I am at super store I always feel like I am committing a crime when I have one in my hand...
• Let's all be real here...we ALL knew Justin Beaver was going to turn out to be an uber asshole...right?
• Men with accents...am I right or am I right..
• When people have a really awkward/loud laugh, I get really umcomfortable inside & I can't help but feel second hand embarrassment. I feel really bad about it guys.
• The longer I am single, the more I feel like I am growing up. It's a weird realization. I'm starting to find myself because what else am I suppose to do on Friday nights... 
• There is nothing a bubble bath & wine can't solve.
• When you are in a relationship, try not to lose yourself too much! There should be a happy medium, because sometimes you'll forget to take time for yourself &sometimes you might lose your sense of self.
• Before you enter 'Bath & Body Works' take yourself aside & say, "you don't need to buy alllll the candles, no matter what the lady with the head set says."
• I almost bought a dog sweater at 'Pet Value' that had 'mom' in hearts on it & then I slowly walked to my car & realized I might love my dog more than any human being.
• My Aloe Vera plant is really pissing me off lately. 
• Does anyone else check to see if their dog is still breathing when he sleeps under the covers..... 
• I think my blog screams, "wow, this girl is single"
• People!moisturize your elbows... that's all you gotta do. 
• Learning to love your body for what it is, is really empowering because it doesn't matter what anyone says because you like the way you look.

Life happens.

"What always happens, life."

Life can catch up to us & things can get pretty messy simply because life keeps moving & it's not going to stop for anyone. We adjust to the situations that it gives us, and can we chose to suffer or rise above and force ourselves to try again. Picking ourselves back up again when we are pushed to the ground is really difficult & you can pretend all you want that being on the ground is a lot easier...but we both know it's not. So, pick up your broke ass self, and start again. Life can be pretty upsetting BUT it can be even more AMAZING & we should start taking the time to remember that. 

As Zooey Deschanel (500 Days of Summer) answered, "What always happens, life" when asked about her past relationships, I really thought about how so many people need explanations to why things happened the way they did. There always seems to be so many stories to just one situation, and so many people replaying what they did wrong over and over until they pin point something to help themselves sleep at night. 

One thing I've found out is when you leave high school you start meeting new groups of people, youre  going to different schools, people travel, and people can simply drift because life can get busy & before we know it 'see you later' becomes 'text you later' to 'we have to get together soon, it's been too long' & so on. In some cases it's unavoidable & life just happens & whether we want to drift from people or not, we just do. It's really no ones fault & it's not worth the headache of 'who calls first' or 'you never text me' type of arguments because it won't get you anywhere. 

When it comes to romantic relationships sometimes as much as we want something to work, it just doesn't and as I'm slowly growing up, I am finding that I am changing & my views on a lot of aspects of life are different than they once were. I thought that was wrong & that I was changing and I was scared to lose someone that use to know me so well & now didn't. I didn't want to force myself to stay with someone because I was fearful of  evolving and now I am coming to find out that you can't force things upon yourself because you are afraid. 

Life happens whether we are ready or not.

xo, 

Mady

Playlist

Weekly Post : Sassy Sundays (3)

• As much as I'd love to chat all night about how I may or may not have wasted the last year of my life... I'll probably do something more productive with my time... like drinking a glass of wine in the bath tub while listening to elton john.. cool? 
• People always diss things they do not understand & always put down the people they are afraid of. 
• Even if you couldn't wait for something to finally be over, more often than not you miss it all once it's gone. 
• You can not expect everyone to be on board when trying something new. There will always be someone that doesn't approve. Don't let that be your reason to give up. 
• Always believe you are enough. Sometimes it takes a friend to help you realize that, and when you do never forget that simple combination of words. You are enough. 
• You know that 'mountain dew' commercial where the guy goes through the balloon of pop.....how fun does that look? Let's all pretend we don't fantasize about that every time we see it now. 
• Sometimes we have to remember to stop apologizing for everything we do.
• I want to make you breakfast, get your shower ready, watch lame movies, cuddle till three in the morning & maybe even have someone want to do the same for me.
• If you have to ask someone, 'so where's this going' the answer is nowhere. You should definitely know where you stand with someone & you shouldn't have to ask.
• In the words of Hannah, "it's really liberating to say no to the shit you hate." 
• Having nights with just your girlfriends is something that should happen more often. I think it's nice to have an old fashioned girls night! Try it out. 
• It's okay to miss people you no longer want in your life.
• When someone says, "don't tell anyone" seriously don't be an ass. Do not tell anyone.... except maybe your best friend.
• In all seriousness try your best to stick to your word & be sincere to your promise when you say you won't tell anyone.
• If you're ever having a bad day...just watch this.

• Friends should always support each other, even if they might not fully think the decisions you're making are the right ones. We have to allow our friends to do what makes them happy because we would like them to do the same for us.
• BUT! When a friend tries to give you advice & tries to help you out in a situation, always take the time to hear them out & really consider their points
• When having a conversation with someone really be engaged into what they are saying. My biggest pet peeve is when youre talking with someone & you can tell they aren't really even listening. (plus.. you don't want to look like an ass when they give you a little pop quiz..am i right)
• HEY! snapchat is for really embarrassing photos okay.

xo, 

Mady

first impressions

Now I know first impressions are "everything" but you shouldn't be too quick to judge someone. For example, maybe the first time you met someone they were having a really bad day, or maybe they were really nervous &  they couldn't find the right way to express themselves to you in that moment. We are then left with this uncomfortable off putting image of them & I think that's really unfair. I think it's unfair because you might be missing out on someone that could have been a really great friend, a really great listener, great kisser, or maybe even the love of your life for pete sack! I think we should try our best to give people a couple chances AT LEAST. 

I can agree with the fact that sometimes our first impressions end up being right, but let's at least do a little getting to know someone before we put a "stay away from them" sign on their back. If we continue walking around like we are flawless & judging every single human being on what their wearing, how they talk, what they smell like, who they date....or maybe even what their favourite band is, we will miss out on a lot of pretty amazing people. Sometimes the flaws in people are what end of making them beautiful & we should give others the chance to show that to us.

I'll admit this is sometimes a challenge. Our natural human instincts kick in & instantly our brain is picking at the person as we are shaking their hand for the first time & as we try our best to ignore it & awkwardly say, "It's nice to meet you.." we can't help but think that this person seems not exactly our style. The thing is we don't think of the fact that maybe the person standing across from us is silently thinking the exact same things. Why does everyone feel like they have something better than the people around them? We all bring something to this world & we all give it the vibe that makes life interesting. If everyone fit our idea of ideal, we would all be pretty bored. 

Take the time to get to know people, even if you think they're not exactly your crowd. If it turns out in the end that the person is exactly like you had imagined in your head, then at least you tried. Everyone deserves to feel wanted. OR who knows maybe they completely surprise you & you find yourself feeling completely loved & thankful to have met someone like them. People should start loving each other more & surprising each other because life can get pretty lonely sometimes.

xo, 

mady

Sassy Sundays (2)

Happy Sunday! Welcome to 'Sassy Sundays' where I discuss things I have learned over the past week wether it's humorous or serious, and thoughts that have crossed my mind. You do not have to agree with everything that is written during this post. It is just personal experiences that have gone on in my life & maybe, just maybe they have in yours too. For this 'Sassy Sunday' I asked some of my friends to send me some things that they have learned & I got some really great feedback. 

• I heard on the radio that only 6% want to be proposed to via dance. I am that 6%....
• "When people don't say thankyou when you open the door for them, or when people accuse you of eating their hershey kisses." - Shanisa O
• "When someone asks you a question, permission, or advice but argues with your answer anyway." - Kayla C
• No, my septum didn't hurt & yes I am aware that it is similar to a bull.
• I'll be a friend..but I don't have to hangout with you.
• The worst is when someone doesn't believe in you, and tries to tell you that they know you well enough that you're not going to commit to it. well, excuse you. Always give people a chance to prove themselves, even if you have an urge they wont.
• "I've learned that life is much more enjoyable when you slow down & enjoy things." - Michael R
• Nothing tastes better than 'Pizza Hotline' at 2 in the morning while intoxicated.
• I've found that it's really liberating to dance like nobody's watching (insert wall art here)
• Never watch 'Don Jon' with your mother. 
• "Currently hating on slippery sidewalks, like seriously. It's dangerous & I am in too much of a hurry to worry about my balance." & "I've found that if you work hard & just relax you'll get to where you want to be." - Rebecca C
• Words are just words when it comes to text messaging. People can say all they want over text but what really counts in when they can say it to you in person! So don't be fooled.
• I wish guys still made girls mixed tapes.
• You don't own him. People don't own people. It's just not cool.
• At some point you have to stop caring what people think of you. I'm not saying be an asshole or act like you don't give a shit, but don't do or say things to make a certain person like you.
• It's really attractive when a guy makes the first move.
• If you're in your late 40s & you're trying to get twenty year olds to dance with you at the local bar....you should really step back & think about your life.
• Remember. There are years that'll ask questions & years that'll answer.
• Your friendship is so important to me, and you walk around like it's just a label hanging by your name.
• Eventually you start to notice that it's very rare to be able to trust people. Even the people who you thought because wether we want to realize it or not some people aren't meant to be constant in your life. 
• Sometimes you need to turn off your phone, lock your doors & blare your music & dance around until you feel better about what's outside. (ps make sure you have clothes on)
• Eating when you're bored is not cool! Note to self : Next time this urge happens repeat the above till you are no longer bored.
• One time I went on this pie craze & all I wanted to do was buy pies & learn how to make them. Progress report : the pie & only pie I bought is sitting in my freezer downstairs since the summer.
• Hey look if you want me to make you supper, I am your girl. BUT, if you want dessert I am not your girl. (I can burn brownies)
• Dear Barista. Thankyou, without you I might be in a ditch somewhere. 
• Does anyone else feel like they would really get a long with Winston from 'New Girl'
• Having a to go mug is too big of a commitment for me. I forget it everywhere & it always ends up in the lost in found. 
• If you want tattoos be prepared for the never ending questions of, "Wow, did that hurt" , "Are you worried about not getting a job?" , "What do they all mean?" I've learned that the only way to get them to shutup is just to stare at them & say, "What tattoos?" Works every time.

i got drunk & ate all this brie

Going out & having a good time with my friends or even new friends is something I really want to do more. I've closed myself off from a lot of situations because of the fear of rejection. I know that sounds terribly naive, but it's something i've dealt with & I am learning to be spontaneous & take a leap when the moment happens more & more.  My fear is that I am missing out on these younger years of my life & I don't want to look back when I am older & think, "I wish I had more experiences & said yes to that random invite." I want to look back & remember all the moments that made me laugh until I cried, when I stayed up till 5 in the morning & had to go to work the next day, or perhaps even falling in love with a complete stranger.  I want experiences, and stories that I can write about & perhaps stories to share with my one day children.

I am not saying that in order for me to have experiences I need to be out at a bar getting drunk because that is not entirely what I mean. I want to take chances & start saying yes to all the things I use to quickly say no to. Saying no to things out of fear leaves you at home hanging out with your pug (although quite fun) & wondering how much fun they must be having & regretting the fact that you're not there to.  I'm just not into this being my reality anymore, and when I was in my last relationship perhaps I become too comfortable & too interested in "staying in" & there is nothing wrong with doing that every once in awhile, but I have the rest of my life to "stay in" & I don't want that to start being a habit in my 20s & I don't want to give that habit to anyone else.

I want to be part of something, something bigger than myself. I want to be around people who inspire me & who truly care for me. I want to be that person for others as well, and we can share memories that will last a life time. It may seem like I am dreaming big here & life isn't like the movies, but we can at least try to have a good time right? I mean I am only given this one life (depending on what you believe) & I really want it to be a life with many chapters & when I do leave I want to truly say that I had a good life & shared it with amazing people. 

Amazing people can come in all sorts of ways. Some people come into our lives just to teach you a lesson & keep you on your toes, some are there to break your heart so you can learn to mend it yourself, people can come into your life to cheat & lie so you can learn not to trust so easily, and others show you that love can be constant & real. When I say experiences I do not mean everything being so perfect & inspiring all the time...I want it all. I want mistakes to happen, I want to learn how to take care of myself, I want to allow others to take care of me. I want to fail and learn to succeed, I want to love the wrong people so I can love the right people, and I want to learn something new about myself everyday. 

When this all happens to me I probably won't be thinking, "oh, what a delightful experience, I'm so happy I am having this deep moment within myself!" I'll probably be thinking, "oh fuck, what next?!" It's not till later on that we look back & laugh, cry or even wonder what the hell we were we thinking?! We become consumed within the moment that we forget it will end up shaping who we are & eventually we might not even remember why we were so upset & or why we drank soo much the night before, but it's part of it all. It's part of you, and you are part of everything.

xo, 

mady

apartment

I have this weird obsession with owning my own apartment & living like a corny sitcom since I first saw an episode of friends. I don't know what it is but it's something I said I would at least try once, and right now isn't probably the best time..You see in order to have an apartment......you gotta have money & I am just not bringing in the bacon lately. I really want this to change in my very very near future though & I have really good feelings for 2014 & perhaps by the end of this year i'll be living on my own with perhaps a ross, or chandler...or something.

This is a big goal to set for myself because owning an apartment takes a lot of responsibilities & money & budgeting & all the things I am not an expert at right now. I don't want to put myself down too much, so i'll just say that I really want to try & put my grown up shoes forward & prove anyone who doubts me wrong.

My sister once told me some really great advice about how you shouldn't care what people say about you because you know who you are & what you are capable of & the best thing you can do is prove them wrong. This really stuck with me because now all I want is to get a job....any job & start doing something for myself. I've had a pretty interesting year & a lot of things that I thought I was certain about I am no longer & a lot of plans I had fell through. I am basically starting over & I really want to do it right this time. Perhaps I may not have an apartment for another 3 years, or perhaps that won't even work out, But it's something to look forward to and something to strive for. 

It gives me excitement to think of me decorating my own place, washing my own dishes, having friends to my place, and all the memories that can be made in a unfamiliar place.

tunes that would play

alright so who's my roomie?

xo, 

Mady

instructions for a bad day

When you're having a bad day it always seems as if you have the worst luck possible & one after another bad thing seem to happen & you're left there shaking your head & wondering when it'll all be over.

The good news is....it will over. Bad days help me remind myself of how lucky I truly am & it reminds me to be thankful for the good days & even the bad days. It keeps us humble & keeps us human. 

It's hard to think this way when we were having our bad day, but try to remember that every single person has a story of their own & their own reasons as to why they seem unhappy. We don't truly know anyone but ourselves......everyone has had events happen to them and they probably don't tell you the whole story or the whole truth. We must be patience & understanding because everyone is fighting their own battles. 

Next time when you see someone having a bad day, lend them a smile or perhaps a lending hand because even if they don't ask for your help, it's always nice to offer it. 

This poem by Shane Koyczan is so inspiring & uplifting that I had to share it. Take five minutes out of your day & watch this video! 

xo

Mady

Sassy Sundays

I've decided to add a weekly blog topic that will be about things that have been on my mind over the past week. I will write them on Sundays, and I will call it......Sassy Sundays. I just thought of that right now so we will go with that till I think of something better. They will be funny, serious, embarrassing, and perhaps me "trying" to help others who might be going through similar things as me. If I offend anyone or if you think I am writing about you, well, odds are i'm not writing about you, and odds are i'm not sorry.

• How can you not like a pug? I mean okay, you're not a dog person, but pugs aren't dogs....they are gods finest creations. 
• pj pants aren't cool. Please do not wear them to the grocery store, to school, to anywhere okay?
• When you're in a relationship you tend to get comfortable & eat whatever you want. When you're single you tend to be careful cause you know you don't want to look fat. Never get so comfortable that you say, "FIVE SECOND RULE," as you pick up that chip off the ground. Make it your new years resolution to not be that girl.
• Never talk about yourself in third person to me.
• If someone asks you to hangout, always go! I've spent too much time being afraid & missing out on a lot of experiences. 
• Even if you have a shitty time, it was probably better then crying to the notebook.
• A true friend likes all your posts. Instagram, facebook, twitter, etc.
• Do not be one way around one person & different around another.
• GUYS. Stop sending vague text messages to girls. Why do girls always have to be the first to text, call, talk? Man up, and text that girl you've always wanted to text. What's the worst that can happen?
• Never leave on a bad note, no matter what. You never know what can happen. 
• Do you find it entertaining to be a complete a-hole about the type of music you'll never understand? Freedom of choice but seriously maybe you need to rewatch bambi. 
• Don't text someone if there is a chance of not getting a quick reply will hurt your feelings. 
• Make it a habit to turn off your phone when you are drunk......This is something I am just learning. But seriously, make it a goal not to send a risky text to the person you have feelings for.
• There is nothing that will piss you off more then when someone says, "reeeelax," when youre arguing with them.
• Always wear your sexy underwear when you go out. Seriously.
• "Do you have decaf?" ummm what?
• If you can make me laugh ... you can have my heart.
• I see that you are covering your face, BUT we all know you are picking your nose. Seriously this has been going on too long.
• Drinking with a group of people can be really bonding, and other times it can lead to some pretty humiliating moments. 
• One of the sexiest things a man can do is kiss you when you least expect it.
• All these things that I'm writing are personal experiences. You can laugh or you can say, "that's definitely not true," it's just things that have happened to me.

i occasionally lock my keys in my car

Does anyone else feel like everyone around them is treating them like they are fifteen again? I may be twenty in a month, but news flash! I definitely do not have it figured out yet. Some days I just really don't want to make my bed, okay? Ya'll should be lucky that that's what you are most concerned about. I occasionally leave my room a mess, I sometimes lock my keys in my car, I sometimes get tickets, or forget to pay my phone bill.......but I never once said that I was flawless.

I am definitely not the perfect person, and I've definitely made mistakes & the last thing I need is to be reminded daily that the clock is ticking. 

Here's a little story for you. So here I am about to hop into a beautiful bubble bath, and then next thing you know someones telling me that I should probably be applying for jobs. WHAT a mood killer. Instead of me sitting the the tub & perhaps reading a book, I am reading through jobs on google.  A big screw you to reality. Alright, so now I'm on page ten & no, I don't want to join your team that involves working through home....that just sounds creepy, and no, I probably don't want to be a midnight clerk either. As you can see there are many options. 

What are you suppose to do when you go to school for ten months & decide you don't want to do that career at all? It really puts a halt on your little life line planner you have hidden somewhere under your bed, and I guess you move on to the next thing. 

I know what you're all thinking right now, wow, this girl sucks at grammar & she clearly doesn't understand that this is just part of life. Well, you're right about one thing... I do suck at grammar, but I do understand that I need to have a full time job & I should probably make my bed, and possibly take showers instead of baths like a normal person. I am a member of society & I need to pay my dues.

All I can say is please be patient with me, and realize that I will be fine & I will be a functioning member of society before you know it. I really like to have experiences & perhaps sometimes I ask for situations to happen to me because I like a good story, but I'm finding out that I want a good ending to my story, so I guess it's time to put my big girl pants on & fake it till you make it. 

keep it real, 

mady 

Don't be so offended

Here we are in 2014, and here's that hope that lingers every year that this year will be better then the last. When you're coming out of relationships wether that means with your ex boyfriend, a friend, or someone you thought you knew, they always pull the whole you've changed card. I've been thinking a lot about that "card" lately, and have asked myself a million times why it's so wrong to change. I don't like the idea of being the exact same person my whole life, and experiences happen that can alter the way you want to live or the way you want to express yourself. Events have happened to me that has changed the way I see life, others, and myself, and who can honestly say they were exactly who they were when they were in grade 8, 9, 10, etc. Why is it that as soon as you turn a certain age you are limited to the person everyone wants you to be? Also, clearly you aren't with them anymore because something has changed, why do they act so surprised? Don't let others put a limit on who you're suppose to be. Out with the old & in with the new is officially my new saying at this very moment. 

One thing I have learned in 2013 is that once someone thinks they know you, they build this idea of who you are & they become stubborn when they find out they might not exactly like the person they had in mind. I've spent a lot of time being caught up in others opinions of me & I've tried really hard to not let anyone down, but where does it end? When does it become okay to realize you will disappoint people & realize you can't make everyone happy? Eventually you just have to be confident in who you are & if people think you're different now or whatever bullshit they use, just remember that you are in control of who you want to be & the rest will work itself out. 

I truly believe life is a series of chapters, and we go through them at our own pace. There are people we are suppose to have forever, people that come and go within a week, others who simply just tear us down, people who build us up, and people we lose but didn't want to lose. I believe this makes us start to figure out who we are, and who we want to be. Depending on what chapter you are in, you will change. People might call you on it, or make you feel bad for growing out of them, but don't let that put a halt on your book. (if you're picking up what i'm putting down.) 

So maybe I'm not exactly the person you always wanted me to be, but last time I checked this is my life & I'm currently still trying to figure it all out. I have been fearful of writing something along the lines of this because I was afraid to sound selfish, and I've always been one to put others before me, but that has lead to some very heart breaking truths, so this year I am just going to do me, and feel how I feel when I feel it. (thankyou hannah) 

xo, 

Mady